The Grey Mist

I've been in hiding again.  It's been a tough and painful month, after a fantastic trip to New York we came home to real life, back to weekly commuting and weekends crammed with cooking, cleaning and ironing.  It was only a month ago that we were drinking cocktails in Soho - relaxed and happy, not a care in the world.

Since then I have been offered my role a on a perm basis and have accepted it.  I am no longer a contractor but am a full time employee with all the benefits and constraints that brings.  No more finishing for Christmas on the 15th and not starting again until the end of January.  No more taking the summer off.  No more being able to meet friends for lunch at at time of the week as I can make the time up or just sack off a day - it's my money I'm loosing after all.  No more tax breaks.

But, I love the company and the job is great and the salary good, I have sick pay!  Holiday pay, insurance (if I die The Boy can pay the mortgage several times over 4x salary insurance and another 4x salary if I die in an accident).  I have colleagues who are friends and challenges.

However, it's 200 miles away from home which is not ideal but I want to be selfish - I think.

Otherwise things are tough.  Marriage is work I know that and right now it's hard work but we'll get passed that, we always do.  The weight continues to come off (well it did before this weekend and my cold induced binge eating) and I hope to be back to the gym next week (snot permitting).

The beginning of Oct has been mixed, a new job, a surprise pregnancy followed 48 hours later with another miscarriage, martini's, friends, a home away from home house hunt and now a cold.

The grey mist has descended and Fuck really does seem to be the answer to everything (see www.pontecarloblue.posterous.com ).  But it will pass - writing it down means it already is starting to.  I'm out for drink with Zee tomorrow - will tell her all, let her wise words soothe me and guide me and start to repair.

Blimey I'm a miserable fuck.