Sleep alludes me

Here I am again; 1.25 am and not asleep.  I'm so very very tired but when I close my eyes my mind starts to whir and I just can't get to sleep.

All these thoughts and questions.  I'm a planner but don't feel able to make plans.

My heart and head are in flux, I miss my home, my normal Christmas, my life.  But I know that I can't go back to being unhappy.

I feel so much guilt and responsibility, it's a heavy load.

The person I would like to speak with is not available - it's Christmas I should not be bringing others down.

My parents arrive again tomorrow - I am both looking forward to and dreading it.  I best try to get some sleep.