Here I am again; 1.25 am and not asleep. I'm so very very tired but when I close my eyes my mind starts to whir and I just can't get to sleep.
All these thoughts and questions. I'm a planner but don't feel able to make plans.
My heart and head are in flux, I miss my home, my normal Christmas, my life. But I know that I can't go back to being unhappy.
I feel so much guilt and responsibility, it's a heavy load.
The person I would like to speak with is not available - it's Christmas I should not be bringing others down.
My parents arrive again tomorrow - I am both looking forward to and dreading it. I best try to get some sleep.