Happy Birthday darling

Well it's The Boys 40th birthday - he banned me from buying him any gifts until I have a job.

We were due to be in NYC this week, however after his being out of work for the first five months this year and my being out of work for the last two months it's been put on hold.

Not so much of a problem, we'll do it next year - he's refusing to accept that he's 40 anyway. It's funny my age really doesn't bother me (it's just a little number) but it really bothers him. I remember his 30th birthday - he was not happy about that number at all. But he seems to be coping quite well.

The spag bol is on (his request) the carrot cake is baked (though not sure how well) and the champagne is open and the sky is blue.

Happy Birthday lovely boy - I love you more, I love you first, I love you last - Wifey xxx

No More

No more procrastination

No more pity party

No more head in the sand

NO MORE

Sunday Sunday

So here we are again the end of another week that just seems to have merged into the last few weeks. I have achieved very little again but feel the need to list what I may have achieved in the hope that it will make me feel better:

I met with a recruitment consultant which resulted in

An interview for an interim role (that may or may not exist)

Had an eye test and am only partially more blind than last year

commenced operation office sort out (on 6th bin bag and having to give shredder a rest)

started a 2nd blog (here)

went to the gym (once- not good)

bought new bike helmet (oh and a new bag which I don't really need and regret purchasing as it's another £40 but wanted and have no self control good job I live in BFN otherwise I would shop everyday - good job I am too lazy to go out to the shops in the nearest town......)

commenced knitting again (an effort to not snack on crap whilst watching crap on TV)

retreated further into my self as the despair of not having a job sets in and the realisation that I really need an income as I don't want to tap into the reserves/savings although isn't this why we have savings and reserves for this very 'rainy day scenario' - why when The Boy was out of work we didn't tap into the reserves is because I paid for everything which in turn depleted my pre-savings reserves which have kept me going for a few months but will need to be supplemented - GAH, I need to work not just for money but for me, I am bored and boring and lazy. Having nothing to do just magnifies this laziness, at least when I am working I can be lazy at home as I have been working hard - now I have nothing to hide behind my procrastination and general lazy sluttishness is laid bare for all (well The Boy) to see......feck.

So next week it's The Boys 40th, I am planning to finish the office sort out and then move on to the spare room (Parents have indicated that they may be coming to visit in a few weeks and this will require a bed for them - which is currently covered in overflowing from wardrobe clothes, bags and bedding). I will bake a chocolate fudge cake and a carrot cake; I will go to the gym 3 times; I will get a fecking job - enough of this rejection ENOUGH.

Today will be mostly cooking and eating with a soupçon of ironing thrown in for good measure (just because my weekend and week days merge into one long blur of time some things should stick to Sunday).

Blimey I am a miserable, feel sorry for myself, oh woe is me, lonely pity party aren't I? Feck it, today will be lovely and tomorrow I will start a fresh, chose my attitude and JFDI.

There that feels better.

Sorting stuff

So I am sorting out my office this week, two years of stuff has built up and it's a mess. However the first thing I found was my letters and cards from friends and family over the years and I immediately got side tracked. The letters are lovely, filled with love and memories. So much so I have decided to reproduce them here - it's going to take some time but will make me smile, and the authors (well some of them) can reread what they wrote.

So back to the office, it's a mix of personal admin, receipts, work/papers from previous clients and a bit of a dumping ground for things I haven't been able to throw away. I am going to have to be strong about this - if it's not been touched for 6 months it really should go in the bin/shredder.

I stopped off at Ikea on my way back from Liverpool yesterday and bought some 'storage solutions' - that's boxes to you and me; and earlier this week received a beautiful bouquet from Mum (below) so by the end of the day my office will be organised, and a place of joy to work in (pah).

Before and after photo's will follow........

Another day another interview

So I met with an agency on Tuesday and they have already got me an
interview today(blimey). So here I am in bed putting off getting up
for a bit longer before heading over to Liverpool to convince someone
that it's me they want.

Unusually I am a bit nervous - guess the pressure is on now and I am
feeling it. So instead of cracking on and getting myself ready in
plenty of time I am here and as such creating pressure so I have to
rush. I do this every time - hhhmmmm no time to muse on my self
distructive behaviour now as I really must get in the shower. Gah!

Sent from my iPhone

Back to square one?

So a while back I noted that it looked like I had a job (here) well now that is looking less likely. The second job I interviewed for has gone to someone else (a interim who has dropped their day rate by 35% - I can't compete with that) and the fall back role may not now happen.

It the recession stupid! Well sort of, the parent company announced a major restructure of their corporate functions and as s result there may be a number of displaced HR professionals and they would like to (if they have the skills) offer them the work first. I get this - really I do; it's the right thing to do but - grrrrrrrr. I had to chase to find this out. I had taken myself out of the job market for 10 days (which I know doesn't sound much but when there aren't many jobs around it is) and had relaxed - silly silly me.

So I am back to square one, the job starting in the middle of August may still come off but it's a big MAY - and even if it does it would only be for 8 weeks and then I would be right back where I started. So I am applying for roles again and back out there. I have a meeting with an agency today - I don't think that they have any roles but it's all about marketing myself so that if they do get a role in they consider me.

Wish me luck - it's still tough out there and the summer is coming which is a difficult time to get work in normal economic circumstances so this year......gah!

Insecure

Why am I so inse-bloomin-cure? Why should it matter if people I have never met (and am unlikely to ever meet) like me? It shouldn't I know. So time to grow some and say feck it - read it don't read it, like me do'nt like me, let me into your special clever club or not - feck it I'm off to have a lolly and watch The Ashes.

Madness Part 2 (we went we skanked)

Well that was a bloomin marvelous weekend. We set off Saturday morning with the car loaded up with the new Aggrolites Album and The Liberty of Norton Folgate and headed down south to fancy London for the weekend.

The weather on the way down was frightening - we drove through (well I was driving) the most amazing storm and it felt like we were just driving through one big puddle for about 5 miles.

So we landed in Greenwich and had a quick change, waited for the weather to pass and headed off to Mile End and then up to Victoria Park, Hackney for Madstock. We arrived just in time to see The Aggrolites and the sun was shining - The Boy got his Fez as he missed out when we saw Madness at The O2 in December last year:

The drink of choice was Pear Cider for The Boy and Dry Cider for me (it seemed to go with the sunshine). We then watched Jerry Dammers and his orchestra whilst eating Pie & Chips (The Boy), Moroccan Lamb Kebab with salad (me). We then went for a bit of a wander round and The Boy discovered Churros & Chocolate - he was very happy about this:

All was going well:

The Blockheads came on (with some chap who sounded a lot like Joe Strummer but just not quite as good) - more cider was drunk, and then the heavens opened:

It eased off in time for The Pogues and was dry and fine again by the time Madness came on. They were brilliant (as per) and we danced and danced and danced. Managed to get the tube and bus back to Greenwich really easily and rested our feet.

So Saturday and The Boy had a shopping list - we did all the shops he wanted and managed a quick trip down Mount Street were I stopped in Louboutin and Marc Jacobs but kept my purse in my bag. Not so in Marc by Marc Jacobs where we both bought Tshirts and I bought a few pouch bags. Back to Greenwich and The Gypsy Moth for a pint of Hoegarden and a late lunch (Bangers & Mash - The Boy; Steak and salad - me). Back to the house to catch up with my brothers and rest for a few hours before heading up to Kings Cross and The Camden Centre to see Neville Staples, Pauline Black and The Beat (no photo's as I forgot to take any). We both said that we didn't think we would be dancing much but that didn't last very long. My perfect blowdry lasted about 30 mins before being scraped back into a pony tail to cope stop it sticking to my skin. Another great gig and a great crowd - strange venue but perfect location.

So now we are back in Yorkshire, washing is in, courgettes have been inspected, Ocado order has been updated and our excellent weekend draws to a close. My feet hurt, my thighs ache, I may have pulled my left calf muscle a bit and I'm dog tired but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Madness, Madness they call it Madness

Tomorrow (Friday) I am going to do one of my favourite things - I am going to see Madness live. Its such a great gig - it's my first trip to Madstock and I am really looking forward to it.

Unfortunately it's going to rain so no idea what I am going to wear but a good time will be had by all.

Huzzah.

Vacant

I am vacant, I can think of nothing interesting to say or write, nothing intellectually stimulating, funny or even vaguely amusing. I am vacant.

I would love to be able to write about life experiences like this (and to write to beautifully about it) or to have something interesting to say like this or to be creative and funny like this insightly, intelligent like this - but no. Right now I have nothing.

Vacant.

How did this happen? Am I really so defined by working that without it I disappear?

Enough, I should see this time as an opportunity; not just to sort out my wardrobe but to read and discover and care. However my ennui is taking over (as per) and The Procrastinator is back (wonder if I could get a costume for that - no real super hero abilities other than the ability to waste a whole day sat on arse on sofa in the window watching rubbish and spending time on the 'puter - I digress).

So perhaps today will be different, perhaps today I will find my inner achiever and get something worthwhile done.

I'll just have another cup of coffee first.

Playing the game (well this game)

So I have an interview today for a role that I will not be put forward for with a chap that has cancelled meetings with me twice. But I will pull on my black shift dress and neutral 'not really there but takes a bloomin age' makeup and a confident smile and 'play the game'.

I know that I could do this job and that I would fit with the company culture but also know that my career history doesn't quite fit the mold and in the difficult economic climate people aren't up for taking chances but will play it safe and go for the person that ticks all the boxes. The person they put forward will do the job well and will be more than qualified - shame that person won't be me.

You know what though - I am not down about this I can play the game with the best of them and my time will come.

When we were growing up our parents instilled in us the belief that we could achieve anything, be anything if we worked hard and put our minds to it. Their unquestioning belief in us means that we both bounce back and keep going when things are tough. As long as we don't hurt anyone along the way; treat people fairly and be honest then good things will come.

So I won't get this job, but I'll be working again soon and something else will come up and life will be good.

Ladies what lunch

So I'm on my way to fancy London to meet some lovely ladies what
lunch. I call these wonderful people friends but have in reality only
met them in the flesh one or two times. These are my Internet
friends, people I have chatted to in chatrooms, on Facebook and
Twitter who have become part of my wider support network. When I am
having a bad day it is these ladies I turn to first for their words of
wisdom and insight.

They are kind, thoughtful, generous with their time, wise, patient,
funny and often say the one thing you would really like to but are
just too "British" to do so!

So I am really looking forward to a lovely lazy lunch with friends old
and new. I may only see some of them in the flesh once a year but know
that I will "see" them regularly on line. So chin chin, time to put my
lippy on and meet some great old friends.

Sent from my iPhone

Bloomin Lovely

This is blooming marvelous The Village Fete I have already got my knitting back out and shall be hoping my courgettes grow strangely to enable me a fighting chance in the Veg competition..... now where did I put Nan's jam recipe?

Sunday thoughts

I am tired, not sure why as I didn't really drink that much last night or go to bed that late but I would love to go back to bed now and spend some time just schluffing (thanks for introducing me to that word Zee).

Instead I am going to tackle the mess of shoes under my bed and get them put away and sorted. The only problem is The Boy was complaining about the mess yesterday and I don't want him to think that I am doing it because he was moaning - childish I know but hey!

I should really go to the gym but I had a protein shake for breakfast and it is sitting very heavy at the mo - see how I feel in an hour or so I guess.

Not working means that the weekend really just feels like the week but with the added distraction of The Boy being here which means that I can't get away with loosing a few hours doing nothing.

Oh well, papers to read, shoes to sort - onwards.

Lovely girly things

So I had to go into Leeds with The Boy today as he was having his hair cut; and whilst he was I went on a little shopping spree and bought some lovely things - first was this Vivien of Holloway dress and net petticoat bought from the lovely people at Rose & Co

And I also bought this lovely 1940's style dress:

Then met The Boy and bought these from Shade Station:

And it inspired me to have a little play with my hair and make up and here is the result (not great pics as self potraits taken with iPhone):

You can't beat a bit of Mac Russian Red.

Ooh look 6.25pm perfectly acceptable to have a glass of wine.

Princess

Here is a picture of Princess, went for a nice little pootle on her today - just wish I didn't live the at the top of a hill.

Blogger supreme LibertyLondonGirl called her an Object of Beauty (well not Princess herself but one of her sisters) here.

I love her, she makes me smile whilst helping to reduce my thighs! I always loved going out on my bike when I was growing up - I remember cycling into the town centre to buy Rubbers for my collection (thats erasers for you dirty of mind - they were still called rubbers without any innuendo when I was young). I had a champagne girls raleigh racer - I can still remember the Christmas I got it, it was hidden in the downstairs toilet, I was so very very excited.

We didn't wear helmets then, and in the village-y-town we lived in then you didn't have to lock your bike. I rode my bike with pride.

Other bike memories from growing up are:

- our local policeman was called PC Grey, he went everywhere on his bike, always a smile, always out and about , always instilling fear that if you were up to something you shouldn't be he would tell your Mum.

- I had a party for my 16th birthday, M&D left us to it (my Big Brother was in charge) and went to Aunty Hazel's for a night of Canasta and wine. So when Steven Chiltern jumped down the stairs and landed on Francis Binns and put his front teeth through his lower lip (gross) my parents had to rush home. Well they'd been drinking so Aunty Hazel suggested that she and Mum came back on bikes. Mum managed really well until she was about half a mile from home and remembered that she had never learned to ride a bike and promptly fell off - she has a scar to this day.

So Princess and sunshine go together really well the only problem is that when I am coming down hills I want to stick my feet out and shout Up Yer Bum in a Wish You Were Here, Emily LLoyd style.

6.30pm on Friday - time to welcome in Messers P&G; chin chin bloggosphere.

Wise words

This was emailed to me by a good friend:

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio . "To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written." My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it..

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone, everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36.. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Tears for strangers

As I sit here this morning I feel a deep sadness, I've shed a tear for strangers again today (seems to have happened a few times over the last week or so) as The Daily Mail and subsequently the morning news programs tell the story of Private Robbie Laws and Private Danny Eaglesfield, two 18 year old boys serving in Afghanistan. Robbie was killed by a Rocket Propelled Grenade and Danny injured; Robbie's coffin has been flown back to the UK along with 4 other soldiers who died in action this week.

They will be flown back into the UK and the good people of Wootton Bassett will line the streets, again, to honour the dead. I was driving up the A1 a few months ago and followed a hearse with a Union Jack draped coffin for a few miles, my heart sank.

Maybe it's because I am getting older, I am now old enough to be both Danny and Robbie's mum; maybe I'm just emotional and soft - but I find these losses so very very sad. I know that it is a war (I am not going to talk about the sanity of a war to stop war or whether the fight in Afghanistan is really a war on terror) and in a war there are casualties. Men and women, sons and brothers, daughter and sisters, fathers and mothers are dying and it's sad - no more no less.

So I join the people of Wootton Bassett and honour the fallen; I do not know these people or their families but send them my condolences.

Time to dry my tears and count my blessings and choose to live my life to the full.

EDIT - BBC news report the repatriation of Pte Robert Laws; L/Cpl David Dennis; L/Cpl Dane Elson; Cpt Ben Babbington-Browne; Pts Christopher Whiteside - as a good friend of mine says' "we will remember". RIP.

I would be so much lighter

If I lived on my own - okay I would probably get through a lot more wine but I have had a salad and need nothing else.

You see The Boy is a runner, he runs or goes to the gym 4 week nights and at least once at the weekends. He's also a proper Yorkshire man so likes Big Food (pasta, mash, big curries etc) - if it hasn't got a sauce then it's not a proper meal. Where as I am not a big sauce fan, I would always rather taste the food (nothing like a good piece of steak with perhaps a pile of greens) as long as it's seasoned and not over cooked I'm happy.

So since meeting and marrying him I have gained 60lbs, I am starting to lose it (after a few false starts) but it just crept up on me. I would plate up the same size meal as his (he doesn't cook and I blame his mother but that's a whole other rant) and tuck in (not much of an off button when I eat). You see I love food, and I love cooking so it's been a pleasure (ahem). When I say pleasure it has been a pleasure sometimes but often a chore.

So when he is away I eat less (drink more usually) and I'm not hungry, I'm satisfied and happy.

Right, while the cats away the mouse will eat less pour herself a glass of Pinot Grigio and have control of the remote - puurrrfect.

Public Enemies

What great film - I'm not one of those swooning Johnny Depp fans but this was a really great film (apologies for the not great image - techy I am not).

Great acting, great story line, great cinematography, great costumes and fantastic soundtrack.

It's a long film, but kept me engaged.

Live for today.

Fingers Crossed

I hardly dare say it out loud.......but it looks like I may have got a job!

I had an interview on Friday and met this really nice lady who needs an interim to support with a major restructure. We had a very similar approach to the project and know that we would work well together. So I got a call on Monday and they liked me (they really liked me - where is that from?) and so much so that she has recommended that I meet another Director about another project.

The first project (the one I originally interviewed for) doesn't start until the middle of August and is for 8 weeks but the one that I am meeting the Director about tomorrow starts in just over 2 weeks and is for 12 weeks. Both would mean an element of travel and both would be really good - so I am off to Nottingham tomorrow to meet with the Director and worse case will be working come mid August best case working in 2 and a bit weeks.

So keep it under your hat incase it all goes belly up but there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel, it's a bit dim at the moment but it's there....

Lovely weekend

View from South Cliff to the Castle in Scarborough 4.7.09

So I went with The Boy to Scarborough for the weekend. It was lovely - the weather was beautiful and we had a really relaxing time.

The Boy went for a run Saturday morning and I laid in bed and read my book; then we went for a pootle into town (which is when I took these photos) and we went to Mojo's for breakfast (nom nom nom) we then popped into Sydenham's to see the chaps there (The Boy used to work there when he lived in Scarborough) then into Dottie Lotties to see Sarah - she was looking fab after just coming back from a break in Tennerife.

We then walked down to the front, along the front to the Spa then up through the gardens back up to the top of South Cliff.

The afternoon was spent trying to find an afternoon tea with the MIL - Francis Tea Rooms had sold out of Scones by 2.45pm so we ended up in the Cafe at the top of Oliver's Mount. The food and service was not good but the view is great.

We then had a lovely relaxing evening slobbing out on the sofa watching The Soprano's on DVD. Back home Sunday am (after another run for The Boy and another book for me) in time to watch the epic Mens Final - wow I really feel for Andy Roddick but think the right man won.

So here we are Monday again - the start of another week of unemployment..........

How does my Garden Grow?

Well - very nicely actually. I blogged about my Rocket Gardens patio garden when I planted it up and on Friday 3rd I took some photo's of the progress - I am really pleased -

Runner Beans

Strawberries

Spinach & Chard

Courgettes

Salad Leaves

So I am really looking forward to Utterly Butterly coming for supper on Wednesday as we will be having the first salad crop from the garden!

Took That - Partied

So where are we - it's been a busy and good few days what with Take That, Punk, Wimbledon (on TV) and the coast so time to catch up - a series of blogs to get me up to date.

So last Wednesday I met with the lovely KBW for lunch pre-Take That, we went to Hush I had the Chicken Ceasar Salad and she had the Steak; we sat outside it was glorious and relaxing. Then off to Wembley to meet Zee and see Take That. We got there in time to see the end of the Support Act (James Morrison) and take in the vastness that is Wembley; it's HUGE

Take That were brilliant - I saw them with Utterlt Butterly at The City of Manchester Stadium when they first got back together a few years ago. This show was so much more and they were better (slicker) the circus theme was amazing - a great gig. I met some of Zee's friends who all seemed Lovely and really up for a fun night.

KBW and I snuck out before the end to get on the Tube back to town - this was a great plan as we got on the Tube very easily and got seats. Though this is when I realised that I was a little bit tipsy (I think this was apparent when I said to the line of British Transport Police - 'hurah it's the real police it's the BTP - hello boys fancy a party; thankfully they just smiled at me ....anyway they didn't arrest me!). So we went to town and went to the painfully cool Punk - lovely T was on the door so we got in nice and quickly. It was brilliant, we danced and sang for 3 hours with the most fabulous trannies and dandies - felt ridiculously underdressed with all those amazing people (wish I had photo's - next time I will dress more appropriately and take photo's). Both KBW and I had the best time, taxi back to Greenwich and so to bed.

The next day was rough - I had a hangover and it was so hot. The cheap pre-booked ticket I had was actually booked for the wrong day so I had to buy a new ticket BUT it was worth it.

Never Forget Where You're Coming From.

Fancy That

Well here I am experiencing the wonders of modern technology as I blog
from my iPhone using the train wireless whilst also listening to
Stevie Wonder on the iPhones iPod -proof it it were needed that the
iPhone is a female for only she could multitask this well!

So I am off to fancy London to see Take That with Zee and KBW. I'm
looking forward to seeing my friends and forgetting about the dullness
of my continuing job sear b for at lease 24 hours.

I am on the soon to be renamed National Express East Coast train. I
wonder why it is so difficult fir a train operating company to make a
success of this route. I mean it's a fab quick journey to London from
Doncaster - approx 1 hour & 40 mins. I can be at a meetin in Central
London from home less than 2.5 hours. But, and here's he rub it's
bloomin pricey. A same day purchase of a 1st class ticket is not much
lower than a ecomony flight to NYC, the trains are not clean and the
customer service patchy. From Leeds it's an additional 40 mins and
often the trains are delayed. They talk about decreasing passenger
numbers but every train I catch seems to be pretty full no matter what
time of day.

There are bargains to be had (for example todays journey is about £85
return as it's a non flexible advance. Cheaper than driving yes but
nowhere near as comfortable.

I feel for the staff - it only seems like 2 minutes since they
transferred from GNER to NEXC and here they go again - the unions have
to be careful what they say on one hand another change for the staff
is bad but a renationalised is exacy what they have been after for
years - so the union wins (or perceives they do) but what about the
individual? And where does this put other privatisation plans such as
the Royal Mail?

Anyway back to positives (and trivial matters) it is due to be
glorious, wine shall be drunk, song shall be sung and fun will be had.
Good friends, good weather & good times - huzzah.

Sent from my iPhone